I have ridden horses since the age of 6.

My parents moved with my maternal grandparents to a small ranch in Northern California in 1969.

I am the first grandchild, and my grandfather bought a small horse, which I cared for, and rode for the 5 years we lived with them.

During college, I got a summer job on another ranch in the small Northern California coastal town where my husband and I lived.

I lead horseback rides along the beach, and through creeks in the hills overlooking the ocean.

I herded sheep and cattle on horseback.

I loved my 5 years on that ranch, too.

A horse and rider move as one - the rider rolling back and forth to the rhythm and gait of the horse that is her partner.

A husband and wife often do the same.

My husband and I have been walking side-by-side for 35 years.

His legs are longer than mine, but I have always kept up with him by matching his gait.

During college, especially, I mastered this art, and it has become as natural to me as breathing.

Whenever I walk beside him, our steps match.

All of a sudden, on a night in October, I shifted.

We were walking very fast, as usual, to our car from the stadium where we watched our sons practice their Marching show with the band.  There was a narrow section of the path, where we had to walk single file to get around some slower walkers, and I just decided to slow down.

My husband continued on at a brisk pace, and glanced behind when he was about 20 yards ahead of me.

He looked shocked seeing me poke along at a much slower pace than normal.

He stopped, and asked, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I replied, "I just don't want to walk fast any more. I'm walking at my own pace now."

Confused is the word I would use to describe his expression, but he walked a little ahead of me, clearly uncomfortable with this new pace, because as he started to break away from me, he would turn, and shuffle a bit until I caught up.

He repeated this pattern until we reached the car, and neither of us spoke of it again.

I wasn't angry, and neither was he.

I didn't blame him for my choice to match his pace for the last 35 years, I just didn't want to walk fast.

I wasn't in a hurry any more.

I wanted to slow down, find my pace, and enjoy the journey.

We walk our two dogs almost every night, except when the weather is either too wet or too hot.

The last two nights, as we walked the dogs, I remembered my change in pace.

I actually had to consciously focus on changing my gait, because whenever my focus faltered, I fell in step with him again with long, heavy strides.

I didn't want to slow down, I just wanted to take smaller steps - try to find my natural gait, my natural stride.

That actually made the exercise more rigorous, so it was a good thing!

If I had this realization even 10 years ago, I would have been angry with my husband.

I would have blamed him for making me match his gait rather than allowing me to find my own.

Shame on Me!

The choice has always been my own. He has never raised a hand to me, never forced me to do anything.

Yes, I was playing the role that many, dare I say most, women play.  We adapt ourselves to those around us.

We do it with our parents.

We do it with our spouses.

We do it with our children.

Jeri, my neighbor, and I were having one of our frequent talks recently as her husband became more ill, and she said, "I've never lived alone."

She realized that she went straight into a home with her first husband when she left her parents.

When they divorced, she lived with her two children until she met Jimmy.

She and Jimmy raised the kids, and lived alone together as the kids made their own lives.

Jeri is in her mid 70's, and this is the first time in her life she is living alone.

The same with my father in law, who is in his 80's. When my mother in law passed 6 years ago, Bob faced his first experience living alone.

I'm not saying I want to live alone.

I want to uncover who I am, just me.

I want to uncover my gait...the gait that carries me along my journey through life.

I don't regret not uncovering it sooner.

All my choices have lead me to the person I am now, and my future choices will help me evolve and grow further.

I choose to uncover my gait now, and see where it leads me.

Day 12 of my promise:

• 40 minutes of PiYo
• Amo il mio viaggio - I love my journey
• Website content for a client
• BTT blog post
• BTT opt in boxes
• Another podcast

Whose pace in life do you match?

Have you uncovered your gait?

MKJ

The day didn't start with joy, but it certainly ended with joy.

We almost finished the Graph Salad video today, and it was fun working with my son.

Max, Alex, Tom, Evan, Brian and Riley worked very hard to record the video and audio, and Evan and I are still working on the editing.

I'm frantically trying to get this post done, because it's 12:02am, 1/11!

I kept asking both my boys to spend a day with me individually before they went back to school after winter break.

They never did, so I went to see a movie this afternoon...alone.

It was wonderful!

Can you guess the name of the movie?

Joy.

I disagree with the main character.

Her family was a messed up group of people who treated her like dog crap.

We only have one life. I believe that if a person repeatedly treats me terribly, I believe them, and walk away.

It doesn't matter to me the title of the person - mother, father, friend, brother, sister, cousin, neighbor, priest, minister, grocer, son, daughter, employer...the list goes on.

The way we treat ourselves is the way we expect others to treat us.

I'm kind to others and myself, and I expect the same for everyone in my life.

Evan spent the night at a friend's house, and I asked him to come home early so we could work on his project.  I knew it would take several hours.

If he would have come home from his friend's house before 2pm, we could have finished his project today.  As it is, it's midnight, and we're about 3/4 done.

He understands this after sitting at the computer editing audio and video for the past four hours, but he didn't get shame, or guilt, or anger from me.

This is one of the little things in life, and they're not worth negative reactions.

I save my reactions for the positive things, like birthdays, personal bests, homecomings, or simply waking up to greet another day.

That's a time for joy.

​Day 9 of my promise:

• Walking around the grocery store
• Buona Notte - Good Night
• Another podcast

May there be joy in your day, every day!

MKJ

We entrepreneurs, as a general group, are pretty ego driven.

Without that drive, most successful business that have actually changed the world would not have been started, let alone grown and thrived.

In 2016, however, the entrepreneurial climate is changing as rapidly as the weather on Mt. Everest.

The New Oxford American Dictionary defines an entrepreneur as follows:

• Entrepreneur: a person who organizes and operates a business or businesses, taking on greater than normal financial risks in order to do so.

A business can be almost anything these days. You could open a shop selling any kind of product either in person, or online. You could hang out a shingle selling your services either in person, or online. You could do any combination of those two. You could sell digital products (courses, ebooks, workbooks, etc.).

If an entrepreneur starts off with a specific vision of her/his business, and the solution being presented to potential customers, that vision is very hard to change or adapt to the changing business climate.

Ego gets in the way of adaptation many times, and could lead to the failure of that business.

My current vision of one my current businesses was to sell digital products, and mentoring packages.

The mentoring packages have been successful, but the digital products have not.

If given my choice, I automatically do the work, and at the same time, advise other entrepreneurs on the growth of their businesses.

What I mean by that is that I love interviewing people for my podcasts, writing articles on topics that interest me, editing those articles, using photoshop to produce consistent images for a brand, monitoring and updating websites, and contributing to the congruent passions of other entrepreneurs.

Once I opened up my options, and took the ego out of entrepreneurship, clients with similar passions and world changing ideas found me.

I love my life, and I'm so optimistic for the coming year.

Day 8 of my promise:

• 40 minutes of PiYo (OUCH!)
• 2 mile walk with the dogs and my honey
• Mi scusi - Excuse me.
• Updating a client's online courses to a new platform
• Creating a new automated email sequence

Is there anything you are currently doing that feels like a struggle?

If so, let go of your ego around it. Change your mindset. Recognize the abundance in your life.

Things will change, my friend.  They will get easier.

Ciao!

MKJ

Life is simply a series of phases.

We continually enter a new phase, and mourn the previous phase.

This usually happens without our knowledge or direction, we just follow along blindly as life changes us.

Even when we think we are making plans and meeting goals, our life is most often simply a reaction to a phase that has just been put upon us.

Think of birth, and you get the idea.

Think of becoming a parent, and it's just the same.

Marriage, schooling, illness, starting a business, success or failure of a business, etc., it's all a phase, and we measure time by these major events in our lives.

Even if we instigate the phase or change, unless we have experienced the exact situation in the exact place and time sometime in the past, we really don't know what to expect.

Think of moving across the country. Even if you are moving back to your home neighborhood where you grew up, the people, and surroundings have undoubtedly changed throughout the years.

Nothing is static. Nothing stays the same.

This is the nature of life itself.

So, I went to my neighbor's burial today.

The funeral was a few days ago, but the burial was a private, peaceful affair today - just 5 of us.

I was surprised when Jeri (my surviving neighbor) asked each of us to say a word about our experience with Jim.

"This is just his next phase," I said, and I believe it is. 

Jim always knew and honored my phase since we both had populated our brand new court almost 20 years ago.

I brought my newborn babies home to this house, and all the neighbors witnessed it, and came by to see the new inhabitants of our little culdesac.

Every time I saw Jim, he would ask, "How are you?" and "How are the boys?"

Now, I will honor his phase, and remember him well.

I know the next phase that is coming. (barring any major illness or accident)

I am preparing for my little home to only house two people, two dogs, and a cat within the next 5 years or so.

I have no idea how that will feel. I only have the feelings that have resulted from my fears of this new unknown phase.

As long as I don't get stuck in these fears, and allow them to seep into my soul to become a part of me, I'll get through them, and step into this next phase, hopefully with grace. 

Day 7 of my promise:

• 20 push ups & 50 squats (tomorrow I do PiYo!)
• Come ti chiami? - What's your name?
• Recording young men singing Graph Salad
• Wrote an article for The Good Men Project
• Started another article for BTT

What phase are you in, currently?

Did it surprise you when it hit, or do you really think you were prepared?

​MKJ

Today was a day for friends.

My son's friends, and mine.

I got to help some friends determine, and act on the direction and focus of their amazing business. 

I also got to see and smell a beautiful baby.

Baby smell is the best. I wish I could bottle it, and every time I thought I wanted a baby, I'd just open a bottle of baby scent, and get over it.

My son had his AP Economics class study group over to film his project.

This was fun, and loud.

See, Linus (the black Aussie in the photo) likes to alert us whenever anyone comes near the house, and doubles his efforts when someone actually tries to enter it.

We have hard wood floors throughout our small house, so his deep bark becomes cringe-worthy.

Five high school seniors came to the door, and five commands of sit and down were ignored until they were enforced.

Seven hours later, the process was repeated in reverse. Practice makes perfect, and we've been practicing this for the five years Linus has lived.

His barks quickly turned into butt-wiggles as he got lots of pets from friends.

The friends were loud, too. 

There were lots of deep voices talking about video games, economics and The Wiggles...not the butt-wiggles, the children's singing group.

"Graph Salad", the video they were making, was a parody of "Fruit Salad" by The Wiggles.

I'm still humming the song, and probably will be for the next week.

Tomorrow I get to record the guys singing the song, edit the audio and video, and produce the final video for them.

I remember that song from a decade ago when we saw the original Wiggles themselves in concert.

No one tells you that you trade in your Elton John concert tickets for Wiggles concert tickets when you become a parent.

It's okay.  Some fans just suck on bottles, and wear diapers...

I guess The Wiggles and Elton John concerts aren't that different after all.

Anyway, I uncovered something great about myself today.

You see, my nature when I was younger was to control. I still slip into that particular insecurity often, but today I didn't.

With my friends, I advised, and participated in their dreams and vision.

With my son's friends, I listened, and gave advice when asked.

I observed.

In the past, I would have taken the lead with my son's project, or any project like it.

I would have directed, and choreographed. 

But, I didn't.

I typed away on my computer, and listened to them choreograph themselves.

Little brother was the videographer, and fit right in with the big guys.

You know what?  I was at peace being an observer.

I didn't even feel the need to control, or choreograph, or supervise.

I just bought pizza, Pepsi and chips, and everyone was happy.

​​It might have taken them longer to get a result, but they got their own result through their own collaboration, and I heard lots of, "That sounds great!" and "I'm proud of that one!" and "That's a great idea!"

I heard lots of those same comments among my own friends this morning, too.

I am so honored, and humbled to be a part of the lives of these wonderful people.

Giving really is much more fun and rewarding than receiving.

Even it's just giving teenagers pizza.  

They are nice boys. I get lots of, "Thanks Mrs. Johnson."

Friends and collaboration...can't get much better for a mom.

Day 6 of my promise:

• 20 push ups
• 50 squats
• Come ti Chiami? - What's your name?
• I wrote an automated email sequence for Gluten Free recipe newsletter subscribers, and BTT (BeautyTechTools.com).

When was the last time you collaborated with friends?

What was the result?

Please share!

MKJ

I wasn't stressed today.

I should have been, believe me.

It was another "Too much to do" day, but somehow, I didn't feel stressed.

Usually under these circumstances, I get snappy, and short with my poor family.

Something small they might ask me to do is the first excuse to blow off some steam.

Ironically, it's the large things that are making me stressed, and the little things that act like straws that break my resolve.

Today, however, anytime I felt stress creeping in on my heart, I took a deep breath, and reminded myself that my family is not at fault for too much on my plate...I am.

I didn't get angry with myself, I just accepted.

With the help of my son, we got all the podcasts done, and ready for publication.

I completed two client projects.

I made dinner before 4pm, took my youngest to music lessons, did some shopping for some odds and ends we needed while he was in playing his trombone, and then went to an open house for my good friend at her new business location. I even won the raffle!

All in all, it was a very productive day full of laughs, love and lots of work.

I would not think of this day that way were it not for simply accepting.

Accepting what, you ask?

Accepting life.

Accepting love.

Accepting whatever happens.

Accepting myself as I am.

Day 5 of my promise:

• No exercise
• Anche tu stai bene? (Are you also well?)
• Podcasting...just Podcasting.

​Ciao for now.

MKJ

 My calendar was so full today, I needed a second page.

Since iCal only gives one page of time slots per day, that meant I had more to do than would fit in one day.

Not unusual, actually, but then I add the fact that my sons are still home from school on winter break, and that adds some difficulty to getting everything done.

It's nothing like when they were younger, but they still need things from me occasionally.

​From doing my Power Morning Routine - to recording Podcasts (one weekly, one daily) - to client work - to making a doctor appointment for my cat - to making travel arrangements for my sons' band trip - to figuring out a new online course website platform - to doing laundry - to making dinner - to helping my youngest make an amazing video about a metaphor for life - to helping my oldest find an exercise video to do since it's raining outside - to exercising myself - to writing this post - I was busy!

I live by my schedule.

Everything I need to do is arranged on it.

If my husband asks me to do something for him, I tell him to put it on my schedule otherwise I won't remember.

I am training my sons to do the same.

What I uncovered about myself today is that I lie to myself quite often about that schedule.

Just because it is written down at a certain time doesn't mean I adhere to doing that thing at that time, or at all sometimes. I transfer things to the next day quite often.

The one thing that is making me stay on task right now is this blog.

I am counting down the days every time I stray into something mundane like social media or checking blog/podcast/website stats, and that makes me steer back on the promise track.

Every night I mentally tick off another day as I hurtle head and heart first toward Evan's graduation. I'm not even thinking or worrying about the trip to Europe. I can't believe my baby will graduate high school in a few short months.

Just like the first and last bite of food is usually savored, because it tastes the best, the first and last months our children are in our homes are savored, because they prepare us for the biggest changes in our lives.

So, even though I have these promises to keep, I will always put down whatever I'm working on to spend some time with my boys.

Immediately, I will put it down...mid type or click.

When they were in elementary and middle school, I finished a thought or sentence or search, but now I won't.

They are as precious as newborns to me now.

I was still able to keep my promises today, and I was also able to spend some amazing time, attention and love on my boys.

Just like I realized today time with my sons was finite, I also realized that time spent on my tasks and promises was also finite.  I will meet these promises every day, and that is what made me exercise today...right before I sat down to eat dinner.

Day 4 of my promise:

• 10 Minute Trainer Total Body (I can barely lift my arms to fold underwear)
• Non c' e male! (Not bad!)
• I only wrote this post today...boo.

Here's to another morning when I will hopefully wake up, and have the opportunity to take another shot at life.

How was your schedule today?

Please share, and if you want to know how I keep a schedule and get almost everything done - even when I occasionally lie to myself, just click that rose colored box to the right of the title to this post, and download my Power Schedule template.

Who knows...It might help?!

Thanks for joining me on this journey!

MKJ

Acceptance requires a change in perspective.

Acceptance was my goal today, and taking a hike with my two pups gave me that.

Last night, and for the previous four nights, my two wonderful sons have stayed up until about 1am.

I, however, went to bed at 9pm.

We have a small home, and sound travels quite well throughout it.

So, when my eldest yells during his heated online gaming with his friends, I wake up.

When my youngest goes into the kitchen to get a drink, or make a cup of tea, I wake up.

I'm not proud to say that after four nights of this - remember, they are only on week two of their three week winter break -  I was done!

I got up at 12:45am, and yelled at them for their disrespect.

I was raised in a loud, yelling, non-compassionate, non-accepting, Italian family, and I'm afraid I have been trying to uncover the calm, kindness underneath that training since I left at age 18.

This morning, I went for a hike of perspective, and it helped.

This is what I saw...
​
Facing West, this old, bare, gnarled tree trunk was the natural representation of the cel towers that flanked it...not the most beautiful view.
​

Now, we turn East, and see a totally different perspective on the very same object.

We hike quite a lot in our family. We've scaled two mountains in California - Mt. Ralston at over 9,000 feet, and Mitchell Peak at over 10,000 feet, so we get out into nature every chance we get, and during every season.

So, this view was more to my liking!
​ 

So, what did this fresh perspective do to my acceptance issue?

When I got home, I apologized to my handsome sons, and talked about how they would feel if our roles were reversed.

How would Evan feel if I banged pots and pans while emptying the dishwasher at 7am this morning, and woke him up.

How would Riley feel if I let the cat into his room after she was fed, so she could knead on his pillow, and wake him up for pets.

I simply asked that if they should choose to stay up that late that they consider the other family members, and stay quiet, please.

I got hugs all around, and checked myself with deep breaths. I need to take many more deep breaths before speaking, and if I do, we all may be happier, and more calm. 

You have no idea how many deep breaths I already take to stop myself from saying the first thing that comes to my mind, but I'm nowhere near the accepting, compassionate person I'm working toward.

Work in progress right here, and the change in perspective during my hike this morning has helped me work a little closer to uncovering the Mary underneath.

Day 3 of my promise:

• 3 mile hike with the pups
• 20 push ups
• 45 squats
• Piacere! (Pleased to meet you!)
• BTT blog post

Thanks for reading, and coming along on this journey, my friends.

How are you doing on your promises for the new year?

Let me know in the comments below, and we can cheer each other on!

MKJ

Funerals always cause reflection.

I went to a funeral mass today.

My husband, eldest son and I dressed in black (with a splash to red for me), and drove to the Catholic Church about 3 miles from our home.

Our neighbor, Jim, passed away at 84 years old on December 14, 2015.

He was our neighbor for almost 20 years.

We still have his wife, Jeri, as our neighbor, so life hasn't totally turned upside down yet.

The Catholic Church brought back lots of memories for this Confirmed Catholic Girl who has purposely not kept that particular confirmation promise.

The majesty didn't grab my heart as tightly as it has in the past when I have visited such a Holy place.

The words of love mentioned in relation to Jim and Jeri's marriage, and partnership did, however.

That's when the tears flowed freely.

Because, Love is where life is best.

Jim's family - son, and step children - were also at the funeral mass.

Family at funerals always cause reflection.

The last time I saw my family was at my grandfather's funeral in 2001.

I don't see them, except at funerals and weddings - my parents included.

Don't worry, I'm not sad.  Well, I'm a little sad, but I only have control over one side of the relationship, so I accept my side, and think of them often. I wish I had a biological family I could rely on for love, affection and community, but wishing will not make it so.

I am very lucky I have my husband, children, and my wonderful father-in-law who give me all I need.

Which brings me back to love.

As my husband often asks, "Can love be felt if it is not shown?"

Even if Jim is no longer walking beside Jeri, can she show the love she feels?

Yes.

She can reminisce with friends and relatives.

She can visit special places that hold loving memories for them both.

She can speak his name lovingly every day.

The ancient Egyptians said that we all die twice.

Once when our body dies, and Once when our name is spoken for the last time.

How far back in your family tree can you speak the names of your relatives?

How far forward will your offspring speak your name?

The main reason my family is planning this trip to Europe next summer is to follow, as my husband has termed it, "The Blood Trail."

Each of us had our DNA tested using Ancestry.com, and we are visiting the top country of our origin for each of us.

Dad = Norway (56%)
Mom = Italy (40%)
Evan (17) = Germany (40%)
Riley (14) = England (40%)

Each of us is responsible for planning the visit to our respective countries.

This is gonna be interesting, folks!

We know surnames of our ancestors, thanks to the family tree I have so far constructed with the help of Ancestry.com, so there are some people who haven't had their second death yet.

Death...we are back to funerals.

Okay, I'm done now. Time for my meditation. (I LOVE Headspace!)

Day 2 of my promise:

• 2 Tabata's
• Take down all Christmas decorations, and clean the entire house (Hey! It counts as exercise!)
• Bene, Grazie. Anche tu stai bene? (Good, Thanks. Are you also well?)
• Writing this post was the only writing I got done today. 

Buona notte miei amici. 

​MKJ

If I live to 104, you could say I'm in "mid life" right now.

Or, you could just say I'm Mary.

Since life is measured by how much time has passed since the latest milestone event, I've experienced a pretty eventful life adventure so far...birth, high school graduation, marriage, college graduation, career changes, the purchase of a home, the birth of my sons, a debilitating accident, the birth of businesses, the death of my dear mother-in-law, the diagnosis of a disability, the remodel of a home, menopause, and adventurous vacations to new and exciting places.

Each new major experience seems to start the clock anew, and we measure time in life from this new point.

Is this a way we humans try to stay young, or feel immortal?

I don't know, but I'm looking at two very big milestones that will happen this year, and the promise of possibility has led me to this daily ritual to uncover the wisdom of me.

You see, even as we reset the clock with each new major life event, we still carry the pain, grief, habits and fear of all the previous events like layers of soil in an archeological site.

All our experiences create the person we are now, and at the same time, cover up the core of the person we were at birth.

I do not want to go back to that child-like state, nor do I want to belittle or negate the experiences that have led to the Mary I am now. Most of those experiences were the result of my own adult choices, and I do not regret them, wish to run from them, or blame them on anyone else.

In other words, I'm not divorcing my husband of 32 years. My 19 year old self made a good choice that I honor, respect, admire and am so thankful for!

This is Day 1 of the next 100 (and all the days left of my life) on my journey to sweep away the soil of my own archeology to reveal the bare, essence of self.

Dirt doesn't only make things dirty, however.

Dirt also provides for the growth of beautiful things.

So, I fully expect to reveal many treasures as I uncover myself, and when I do, I will shine them up, and bring them to light for all to see.

I am a goal oriented, promise keeping kind of person, however, so 100 days is set for the timing of two major events:

1. The High School Graduation of my oldest son, and
2. The first trip to the foreign land of my ancestry in Europe.

I have three promises to keep in these 100 days:

1. Lose 40 pounds of pain, grief, habits and fear (again),
2. Prepare for the trip, and learn as much of the Italian language as will allow me to love it, and
3. Create, grow and monetize a new niche business to the point of profit.

I would be honored if you would join me on this journey, and provide any feedback you feel would assist in it's success.

Or, you could just read the ramblings, and cheer me on?

Day 1:

• PiYo 40 minutes (OUCH!)
• Walk the dogs 2 miles
• Sono la signora Johnson. E tu chi sei?
• Write another BTT blog post.

See you tomorrow, my friends. 

What are 3 of your promises for the next 100 days?

​Please share!  I would love to cheer you on, too!

​MKJ